Stress

Stress is one of my biggest downfalls. I let things bother me way to much and I cannot do that. I feel as if little things drive me fuckin insane and that I cannot help them. I think right away that I want to drink because of my stressful situations. This I know is no way to fix the feelings that I am having. Just kinda writing at random because I feel I need to. Right now in my life I have a fiance and her little daughter which I see as my daughter as well. I feel as if I am always trying to discipline the little one. I know this is normal but I feel like a really mean person.It is very stressful to have a child in your life you want the best for them. I feel as if I am not making enough money I am not treating her right or I am not a good enough dad. I know this is prolly not true but it is the way i feel. Ii need to really realize that I cannot control everything as much as I want to. I need to realize that I cannot change things that I have no power over. I feel as if the weight of the world is on me and I do not know how to make it weight less lol. Anyways this blog made no sense at all but I feel a little better for sitting here and maybe letting another person know that they are not the only person with stress out there. Through all of these feelings though. I HAVE NOT DRANK.

War Stories

Hahahaha these are stories that people like to tell to show everyone how cool or how hard they party. I used to like telling these stories as well. I know today people only here what is going wrong in your life instead of what is good in your life when telling these kind of stories. People really dont like to hear about how you partied this hard and did this drug and hooked up with this girl. Believe me they don't. I have been on both sides of the spectrum and know that people wpould rather hear about the good you brought to your life or somone else's life. When I hear some of my friends tell these stories it brings me back to the days of my addiction and gives me thougths that I know longer what to have. The war stories I hear from my friends do not even compare to the things that I have done in my past, and I am not in any way proud to be able to say that. I try not to have conversations like this with my friends ,because when i do I get horrible feelings of wanting to go out and do those things. I am not saying that it upsets me when they talk of these things but I know it is something i do not want to relate with anymore. I find this is why I push some of these people out of my life. I dont want to be drawn into any kind of partying of that sort anymore. Its not cool nor will it bring any benifet to my life in any way. Anyways that was just a thought I had over the last weekend and I thought I would share it with anyone who wants to read it. Love you all Jonny B