Vegas and Starbucks

This is an early blog, Good morning everyone hope your day is going good. This morning I went into Satrbucks and got a skinny vanilla latte. Yummmy. While i was there the girl behind the counter was telling her coworker that she just got back from Vegas for 4 days. Instantly I was a little jealous. Vegas was a stomping ground for me I have been there around 40-45 times crazy huh. Well where do all drunks go that they can be the drunk they want to be, VEGAS hahahah. As I listen to her talk about her time there she went on to say "yeah it was crazy everynight at least one of my friends got kicked out of the club". So funny to me because when i used to tell people stories like that I thought it was cool and sounded funny as well. It sounds really fucken dumb to a normal person LOL and by no means am I saying I'm normal. Next thing she went on to say while laughing was yeah and two of my friends had to go to the hospital becaue they partied to much and one got something slipped into her drink. YEAH RIGHT, she prolly slipped it into her own drink lol don't try and tell a seasoned vet a lie. LOL Anyways as I heard all this I went from being jealous to being glad I was at home instead of Vegas losing my ass and ruining my body and mind. These are things that happen to me everyday, the person that is still out there wouldn't have heard it the way I heard it. The difference is my mind is clear and it is easy to see insanity in my world now. Anyways I love you all and make today a great day. Jonny B

I'm Back

Well I have had a rough week. This week life through me some challenges that i had to think long and hard about. I had to take a deap breathe and step out of the situation to find direction to resolve this problem. Today the man I am can figure out how to handle life when life shows up. I did not talk to those I was upset with for about two days. I hurt some people around me by not talking, but I think that I would have hurt them a lot worse if I were to show up mad while I tried to explain myself. This was hard for me because I saw the one I love cry, it kills me inside to see her cry. Never have I felt that way before in my life. I remeber in other relationships I have had I would kinda almost like to see them cry because it made me feel more impowered. Geez what a horrible way to be. That is me in my disease a person who cannot feel nor wants to know what feelings feel like. I am glad that things that are really hard to deal with and things that are really great in my life showed up in a time where I am a stronger man. Amazing how life works send me the worst and best things in life, cause today i can handle both, I know how to deal with the bad and greet the best. Awesome. My life is free and I am feeling better. I'm getting married on Feb 20th, 2010 and I am marrying a woman that I Knew that I would marry from the first movie we watched. I remember feeling like wow honestly i wanted to leave anywhere i was just to go see her. That is very odd for me I am not a one woman man, and today i can only see myself with one. Funny thing is i used to hide behind my feelings and never say what I want, this time i did express my feelings and life in two days got better then it has been in the last two years. Anyways this is a very random and not put together well blog. BUT its my blog so bite me. LOL Love you all have a great night. Jonny B

Sex,Girls,Alcohol

When i decided to get sober I had a lot of worries that some people have a hard time talking about. I will try to be as honest as I can in this one lol. Some of my thoughts were how am I supposed to talk to girls. Every girl I knew drank, pretty sad huh. Well alcohol is like liquid courage, it helps you relax and makes you feel like you can be the person you really want to be. LOL this is all wrong it makes you a person that you def don't want to be. If you were to see yourself drunk believe me you would think twice about getting drunk again just so you could talk to a girl. Although you have heard something like that before it still does not make a difference in your choice to drink another night. Since I have stopped drinking I still go out, very little but every once in a while I go out. Let me tell you something guys if you are the only sober guy at the club believe me you are the best thing in most girls eyes. To find this out though you will need to try and go out and not drink just once. You will find you are better at everything you do when you are straight minded. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING GUYS.
There were other worries for me as well, sex is a very strong influence on whether you make a decision to get sober or n0t. Guys think that when they are drunk they are 100 times better in bed, this is way wrong as well. You are much more aware of what you are doing and aware of the needs of your partner in which case will make you better for her and for you.
Alcohol will give you the illusion that you are better. Try it sober and she will give you an honest answer. If that does not make you sober up I don't know what will.
"Some researchers estimate that as many as 54% of alcoholic men have difficulties getting and maintaining erections, and decreased sexual desire has been found in between 31-58% of men across several studies." By Cory Silverberg

Friends and Sobriety

LOL this makes me laugh because when you get sober you find out that you really only have a couple of friends aside from the many acquaintance's you have I.E party friends. These are friends or people that the only thing you have in common with are how much you can drink together or party together. Try hanging out with these people when you are both sober. I guarantee you it will be a very awkward time together. I have found that when you get sober you will try and do the same things that you have always done and try and do them without drinking, believe me this does not work. It is more torcher for you then it is fun. I understand how this feels because today I still do things that I know really I should not be doing, but i do enjoy every once in a while going out and dancing. If I am with the right person and someone that is very supportive to me then the night can be fun without a drink. I struggle all the time trying to keep old friends in my life no matter what they are still doing, whether it be drugs or alcohol. The more I try and do this the more I see that it is not helping me in my current situation and in time could put me back in harms way. I have real friends today. Let me tell the new person this, I used to be as bad as they come rippin and running until there was no rippin and running left, and i made sure to find more. I never thought that I could be happy in a world without alcohol, today i am happy and i have found bigger and better things to do. Shit I just bought my own truck hahahah I couldn't buy anything but fuckin alcohol before. Today I am a man that someone else could ask advice from and prolly benefit from it. AMAZING. My advice to you about two years ago would have been "FUCK IT" that was good advice in my mind. Today life shows up and sometimes I react wrong to the difficulties that I face but today I somehow work through them, and I do not need to drink to get through them. LOL if you really think about it, whenever I would drink because something was wrong hahaha i would sober up the next day and that fucking problem did not go away. LOL insanity isn't it. I challenge you my readers to try and not drink for a month. If nothing has changed, like they say in AA your misery will be refunded 10 fold. Love you all and try and make today a better day for yourself. Be good to yourself you deserve it. Jonny B

Rehab and it's pro's

Rehab-and amazing adventure for a person looking for a different life. I have done this, prolly one of the most difficult choices I have ever made. I know if you are thinking of going then you should go. I went for 30 days and I have not had a drink since Dec 5, 2007. Shit that is a long time and I still can't believe that I haven't. I found out in rehab that the people that love you the most have the most influence on whether you feel good or bad about yourself or bad about the things that you are doing. They do not mean to make you feel this way they are just sick and sick of worrying about someone they care most about. I am not a professional of any sort but I have experience in this kind of behavior. I remember feeling as if I wanted nothing to do with my family and that they were all out to get me. They would freak out and yell at me when I would get into trouble with the law, or say things that felt as if they were putting me down very harshly. This does not help the situation for the problematic person. Yet this is an easy mistake for the normal person that just wants the best for the person they love. I know that when I felt as if everyone was mad at me I would def go out and try to escape that feeling, and the way I escape is not a very pretty site. The people that love you the most can also hurt you the most. I have hurt my family many times. My parents and I had to learn how to deal with each other. I had to learn exactly where they were coming from and they had to learn exactly what kind of issue I have. I never drank to get at my parents. I had no idea why I drank all I knew is I drank when happy when sad and even when i was neutral. I did not need a reason to drink nor did i know why or how every time I drank i got drunk. "I just did" Today my family knows what was wrong, this does not mean they would understand if I drank again though, and I understand why. Lessons learned in my life are lessons i will use to walk through life for the rest of my life.

Today Sober

I know there is alot out there to do, problem is when all you have done for the last 10 years is party and drink its hard to figure out how to do them without the drink. Its weird to me before I got sober I did not realize how much the drinking and the partying was a part of not just mine but everyone elses life as well. I am sitting here right now listeneing to some country and really all I here is songs about drinking. I am not upset about this but it seems that it is everywhere in my face and others trying to stay sober out there. Funny thing is I like listening to the music when it is tough like that and talks about drinking and escaping the way you feel. Yet when I try and do the same thing they are talking about it turns into a really bad day. LOL
Anyways just thought I would start my new blog with something like that. Music is a trigger for me, it makes me want to drink and sit on the porch and get drunk. LOL , does not mean that is what i am going to do though. Hopefully some of you can relate to what i am saying and make you and me feel less alone in this big world. We are not alone